destroyed poem one

just after dark one gusty evening in autumn,

i got drunk and told you i was going to fuck your mother

wearing the hat of an old latvian man.

one night

i held you tight,

not too tight,

but close enough for it not to be alright.

you dreamt of things malignant and

destructive. i believed

as holding you, your dreams could kill.

you absorb my attention even when the

sky had turned to iron and you have

swallowed your will to live.

i don't know how accurate it is to say

'will to live'. i mean 'swallowed' maybe,

'sipped' would be better.

I am petty and mean and a

sin machine.

at least i don't smoke, in a smock to

catch ash, what a joke. i have

everything i want but what left

a long time ago.

for jealousy/poetry/no loves.